It’s very painful to be nailed on the cross. I can feel my own warm blood drifting from my veins drop by drop. Time seems to stop as my heart keeps on pounding intensely to the horror that I myself is the victim. Pain ridicules me more than the shame of being naked in front of the witnessing crowd.
I can still remember... I thought I can finally have that bag of silvers I looted from that greedy tax collector. The Romans took everything from me. I needed to feed my hungry family. But, they chase me. They sentenced me to be crucified. I’m now afraid. I couldn’t believe. I tried to run away but they were many and stronger than I was. They dragged me here with these two others to be nailed on the cross.
I pleaded. I said "…please don’t hurt me." I urged them to have pity on me. I tried to resist... but they held me… they pushed me to the cross lying on the ground. They stripped me naked to show my shame! They forcefully stretched both of my arms. One of them open my left palm. I felt the tip of the nail and the sudden jolt of pain over it by a hammer that made me to shout terribly. "Yahweh!" The pounding keeps on as there will be no end to my misery... it's all pain. Then, the most painful part, they hit my feet with another nail. I felt how the nail crushed my bones... One more painful blow of a hammer...there, I lose my consciousness. I went black...
The pain woke me. I thought I was dreaming but it’s true. I felt fresh warm blood dripping so slowly from my wounds...My family is over there among the bewildered crowds, crying but helpless. I heard my companion cursing the man, whose name is Yeshua (Jesus), to help himself out of the cross. The man seems to be so silent. I heard Him praying to the what he said, to his Abba (Father). He even forgive others even on the cross.
My companion, the one who curse this guy in our middle, and I were robbers. We are just paying the crime we did. But this man, I heard that He’ve done so many good things. I remember, He talks about heaven. He heals. He've done miracles. He even raised the dead. Why?
He looked at me with His calm eyes. I know He’s in great pain. He’s body, full of scourges. Blood drips from Him so fast. I told him, “I believe in what you’ve said. Remember me when you’re in paradise. I also want to be there.” Then, generously, he promised me that heaven He’s been talking about.
All the pains I am suffering that moment were suddenly turned into a sweet hope of tomorrow in the afterlife— that I could be saved from the fires of gehenna (hell) in a heaven which is free of hunger, injustice and where I can be a renewed person again. I now claim that I can die peacefully with the man whom I just met but whom I believed with my whole heart.
A terrible earthquake shook the ground. One of the Roman soldier with a hammer hurriedly run towards me...Then suddenly, I felt a great pain on my legs. My bones in my legs were broken by the guard. I can’t breath anymore. The pain rushed deeply. My heart pounded... I now feel that my time has come... Fear has caused me to tremble. But I’m helpless. I can’t shout anyore. Only tears flaws from my eyes as I grasped for breath. There’s nothing I can do. I need now to let go and let death welcomes me in her bosom.
I can still see the guard pushing a lance into the dead Yeshua (Jesus). But, water and blood rushed out of Him. That can’t be! Am I seeing a miracle because I’m hallucinating? What I know... what He’s saying were all true. I know deep in my soul that He’s telling the truth. Veritas (truth). It seems that He’s not a stranger to me. I know that He’s always been a part of me…a God I now recognized in my midst. A God who promised to dwell in me now at the hour of my death. My Lord and my God... my creator and my redeemer...
Br. Dennis DC. Marquez, sSSS
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