As Christians, we believe that there is life beyond death.
We believe in the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting which is in
our Apostle’s Creed. The scripture tells us that ‘death is the separation of
the body and soul’ where the soul, unlike the body that is
corrupted, remains immortal.
A decade ago, before my religious formation, I usually
reflected on man’s history (my history) without understanding our divine origin.
Somehow, I even live my life without Jesus Christ in the picture. My secularized
understanding has tempted me to settle for less even to the point of accepting
my vicious cycle in life as my final end, “eto
na ako… kasi tao lang…” Like others, I searched for life’s meaning with
unending joy but series of broken relationships in terms of love and the idea
of death have frustrated me to change…
“bakit pa kailangang mag-effort, e masasayang lang din naman.” I became so
‘stoic’… so cold as a person and eventually ‘fatalistic…’ because life for me
became meaningless then.
Perhaps, within those years, being a Scouter was the only
thin line that connected me with God. I do not usually pray but I enjoyed the
company of my fellow Scouts every time we do our yearly mission of distributing
medicines from our friends to the aborigines called Dumagat dwelling in the deep forest covered mountainous range of
Sierra Madre. Delivering these boxes of goods and medicines was a tedious
task—with back breaking heavy loads to carry on our shoulders and a very long
journey that would took days just to reach them by hiking. I still remember,
there was a time when the heavy rain made our trekking going back even harder.
When we needed to cross a forge-- me, being the last one to cut through… I was
suddenly engulfed by a sudden rushing of floodwater. The current was so strong
that I was dragged and trapped into a whirlpool… it was like a washing machine experience…
so cold, so dark and nowhere to climb on. I don’t hear anymore their voice; in
no time, I felt that I was out of breath. The whirling water kept on devouring
me into its bosom. Being fatalistic, I
told myself “this is it!” I thought I was strong but deep within me was a child
who was too afraid, “saan kaya pupulutin
ang kaluluwa kong ‘happy go lucky’ at kanino ako, after this, pupunta?” It’s
getting darker and colder. I knew, death for me was so near and too inevitable.
I just closed my eyes and all of my good memories flashed inside my mind. I
needed to gasp for air… I told God, “not now... I’m not yet prepared…" . 'Be Prepared' is our Scouting motto... but up to that time, I was not. When I
opened my eyes there was a ray of light… beaming over a rock formation. I tried to kick over that and escaped that
abyss. The last thing I remembered was, they were already dragging me ashore.
Exhausted, gasping for air as I was vomiting water… I thanked God… they revived
me.
From then on, I started to ask God why did He let me to live.
Was there any purpose... even for a wretched person like me? Was there any reason
for everything that is happening: to death, to suffering, to the chaos that
were all around me? If there is, how should I see them, how should I look now
into my future?
For many days, I was in deep silence. My only question was “WHY?”
The silence has led me into a moment of solitude. I just let God to talk to me…
and I realized that I was starting to look for my God, for Jesus Christ. I was
longing for a true God who would suffice all of my hunger and thirst. I began
to look unto myself… I realized that I contented myself with the crumbs through the things that I enjoyed; and have forsaken the greatest
person of all who is God... the pearl of great price.
Lumen Fidei captured perfectly what I have experienced:
…[U]ltimately the future remains shadowy and fraught with
fear of the unknown. As a result, humanity renounced the search for a great
light, Truth itself, in order to be content with smaller lights which illumine
the fleeting moment yet prove incapable of showing the way. Yet in the absence
of light everything becomes confused; it is impossible to tell good from evil,
or the road to our destination from other roads which take us in endless
circles, going nowhere.”
[3]
My personal and spiritual change started to took shape when
I started to go back again in the Church. Christopher West was right, “the path
to real happiness is to orient my desire according to its design that I may
reach my destiny.”
(...to be continued)
