1 Every friend says, "I too am a friend"; but some friends are friends only in name. 2 Is it not a sorrow like that for death itself when a dear friend turns into an enemy? 3 O inclination to evil, why were you formed to cover the land with deceit? 4 Some companions rejoice in the happiness of a friend, but in time of trouble they are against him. 5 Some companions help a friend for their stomachs' sake, yet in battle they will carry his shield. 6 Do not forget a friend during the battle,and do not be unmindful of him when you distribute your spoils.
There are so many things that I can think of about
friendship. To have valuable friends starts from the person himself—he, being a
true friend to others’ would also mean that he is also a person for others. We
cannot simply receive. Friendship is a two way hi-way. It is, as we all know, a
commitment between parties. It is not simply a relationship of simply
benefitting from one another but a deeper relationship of communion to one
another.
For Aristotle, perfect friendship is the friendship of men
who are good.[1] Much
more, for him a friend is necessary for any person’s life. A friend is far
better that any material goods for they are our refuge when we are going
through hard times. It reminds me of the friendship between David and Jonathan
which is a good example of communion to one another:
After David had finished
talking with Saul, Jonathan became
one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. 2 From that
day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family. 3 And
Jonathan made a covenant with
David because he loved him as himself. 4 Jonathan
took off the robe he was
wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow
and his belt.[2]
Their friendship is a relationship of ‘communion to one
another’ because they let themselves be absorbed by one another. In our life,
if we do not totally do the same, we just engage ourselves into a relationship
where there is no commitment at all. It would just be a utilitarian relationship
where there will be no feelings or emotions involved. But if there’s commitment,
understanding and love for a friend in our friendship, in the long run, like
David and Jonathan, we give ourselves totally to a lasting connection—a bond
which transcends time, blood line and economic status in life.
To discover our true friend or friends among the roster of
those who calls us friend is like testing gold into a fire. Ben Sirach reminds
me of the pain and sorrows of finding one. It took me time to realize the
simple person who usually stays with me when things on my way gone so tough or
when everything seems to be chaotic for me to understand. When I am in the
stage of rage, confusion or being left by others, there’s always a person who
remains with me to accompany me and patiently wait for me to pass through the
storms of life.
Ben Sirach is very human. He has exposed our tendency to
affiliate ourselves to those whom we see as ‘somebody.’ He made me to reflect
how I see my friends. He made me ask this inward question: “What is my
intention of treating him as my friend?” It would be offensive to ask this to
anyone, but to a real friend… it might end up in recounting all the joys and
pains which builds our friendship. Yes, there are countless ways of remembering
our friendship, but in every occasion, tears and laughter always highlight the
past. In every heroic story of friendship, surely, there will be always
struggles that will be resolved with a friend who chose to stay in our side no
matter what happen and how hard the situation will be.
Friends are not simply allies. They are the persons who
taught us the greatest lessons in life. They walk with us through the trials of
life. They pat our back and constantly say to us: “kaya mo yan” or they are the one who simply stay behind us, silent
but always present—and always with open hands to offer their help. Friends are
the first one to believe in us, but they are also the same people to criticize
us if they feel that we fall short in some rare occasions. They don’t simply
criticize us but more, they make us realize that they are the most concern
people around us. They are just honest to say the things that we need to
improve. They never get angry to us, but only with our wrong actions. They can
be frank, but those words are the words that they believe we really need to
hear to bring back our sanity and for us to realign our self once more with the
reality. The more honest they are with us, the more painful for them to say the
right words in the right time. It is simply because they don’t want us to get
hurt, but they also know that we need to be more strong and mature in facing
any uncontrolled situations coming our ways. Indeed, true friendship is the
result of a mysterious and mutual attraction between two persons, who grow to
know, respect and love one another.[3]
I agree with Fr. Edison Escario, our professor in one of our Graduate School's Theology subject entitled 'Prophets,' that we cannot be a friend to all. In my
reflection, not everybody responds to us the same way. We cannot simply just insist
ourselves to anybody. Friendship is a gift that we can offer to anybody, but as
a gift, anyone can also choose not to accept it. For me, to receive it is a
joyful experience. It is like saying that: “I really trust you.” In the Filipino context, perhaps in my
family, we consider any friend as a part of our family. My parents treat him or
her (my friends) just like one of us, their own very dear children.
Much more perhaps with Jesus Christ in the Blessed Sacrament.
He said, “I do not call you servants any longer, because
the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends,
because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.”[4]
Even though, Jesus is God, in his great generosity, He is offering His divine
friendship to us. It is a friendship that is deeply rooted in love. In His
friendship, we became the adopted sons and daughters of God.
Henry Nouven recalls on his book, “The Life of the Beloved”
how friendship grows. He portrays that no matter what happened to anyone’s life
there would be always someone who will love such an unlovable person. That is
the friendship of God that he taught to his (Nouven’s) Jew friend. That Jesus Christ
is inviting all of us, no matter what the barriers of human condition are, into
a friendship that is unconditional.
In
every Holy Mass, the communion we receive is Jesus Himself. Jesus gives Himself
to us unconditionally. Jesus in the Sacred Host, aside from being a sign, is a
covenant of that friendship that He promised to fulfill. In Jesus’ friendship,
He is the one who initiated such a friendship: “You did not choose me but I
chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so
that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. I am giving
you these commands so that you may love one another.”[5]
Friendship entails love. Love is the reason why such a good fri
[1]
Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, trans. W.D. Ross (Canada: Batoche Books, 1999), p.
130.
[2]1 Samuel 18:1-4 (NAV).
[3]
Antonio Cardinal Bacci, Meditations for Each Day, Trans. Desmond Williams and
Brian Power (New York: The Mericer Press, 1965), p. 23.
[4]
John 15:15 (NAV).
[5]
John 15:16-17 (NAV).
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