The Lord is a wounded healer.
When His cousin, John the Baptist, was beheaded; I know He was broken hearted. It could have been so painful. If I’m on His shoes, I would start to be shaken and be afraid for this situation is so threatening… a prophet is killed.
Yes, Jesus withdrew Himself. He was affected. He would have been looking for someone to console Him but no one could suffice His terrible loneliness for all of them, Him and His disciples, could have felt the same way—feeling of defeat, loss of inspiration… despair.
On the other hand, the crowd keeps on following Jesus. The crowd longs for Him—for His words and healings. He needs to recompose again His own self in order for Him to serve the clamor of the crowd. He totally forgets about Himself, and selflessly served the crowd like a vert dedicated Shepherd to His longing herd of sheep. And it did happen, in this occasion where the Lord is still in the pain of mourning, the miracle of the feeding of the plentitude did happen.
As God’s servant, my heart will always be torn into two pieces… between my personal wants and the reality of my ministry. My personal wants will always be filled with many caprices, whining, anxiety, doubts and demands, but I must transcend all these to faithfully `respond to the call of servanthood. I must know the difference between needs and wants; and I must focus to what is more important. Despite of the trials in life, like Jesus, I should still remain generous.
Yes, I am broken… incapable of healing others for I am also wounded by my past and my fears of the future. But, I am still offering myself to God to be His instrument in consoling others. I would let Him to use my allergy-batten-hands to touch wounded lives. My incapable-to-sing voice to preach His words to soothe and bring hope to the wounded souls. And my whole self, once almost wasted and brought to life once more by God, to bring Christ in the most Holy Eucharist in their midst… where love is shattered by hatred, where loneliness and despair calls for a brother to care , nor where dreams almost ceased for hope is mired by severe poverty and death.
They are all challenges. An inevitable consequence of the path I dared to thread upon. As a wounded-healer, I know, I won’t be alone. Like in Jesus’ ministry, miracles-- no matter how big or small they are or will be, will also happen through graces and answered prayers which God will endow upon us all.
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go to a recollection:
http://denmar1978.blogspot.com/2013/04/one-week-on-line-recollection.html
Br. Dennis DC. Marquez, sSSS
